Destruction of husband-wife unions and resulting divorce is commonplace. But is divorce the problem or a sin? No. Underlying lies, abuse, and otherwise ungodly behavior are. And adultery isn’t the only culprit.

Traditionally, religious leaders teach that adultery is the only ‘authorized’ reason for divorce. Consequently, people often remain in physically and mentally abusive relationships, even unto death. However, we understand from the Scriptures that valid reasons for divorce can include other violations of promises to love, honor, and cherish.

Acceptable reasons can include grievous offenses that threaten the well-being of a spouse and damage the marriage relationship. This was certainly the case in ancient Israel. Since marriage is often founded on culturally cultivated vows and promises, divorce due to breaking those promises could (and can) also depend on cultural expectations.

Grievous offenses by Israelite women warranting divorce: Adultery is the only one, especially since the marriage bed consecrated the covenant in the first place. Her adultery violated the promise to honor her husband, and is why Jesus, who was speaking to men, said the only valid reason to divorce one’s wife would be sexual immorality.

Accepting Jesus’ response without considering the historical, cultural, or biblical contexts prompts the misbelief that sexual infidelity was, and is, the only valid reason for divorce by either spouse. This has been the unfortunate position held by the Church for many centuries. In fact, the Catholic Church and Protestant offshoots have historically banned divorce except for adultery and, at best, only allowed separation for physical abuse or abandonment. However, Jesus’ non-legalistic response was related to a contemporary ‘any cause’ divorce and Moses’ reluctant permission for men to divorce because of their lack of love and forgiveness. He wasn’t relegating married women to abuse or death unless sexual faithlessness occurred.

Grievous offenses by Israelite men warranting divorce: Husbands were to care for their wives and love them as they love themselves. That meant to protect and provide. What about adultery? Multiple wives and concubines were part of the culture, so this would not have been considered adultery and a marital violation. What would have been? Not providing for or protecting a wife. This could include physical, mental, or emotional harm.

What about today? Remember that marriages are born of promises—vows. Those made or implied in the marriage covenant must not be broken! Lying, cheating, beating, starving, gaslighting, or leaving breaks the agreement, violates godly love, and becomes a valid reason for divorce—especially if left unresolved.

To summarize, divorce is an unfortunate end to a marriage caused by unfaithful or ungodly behavior by either spouse, involving any violation of the marital contract, and possibly harming someone. It can result from neglect, abuse, or sexual infidelity—any broken promise. Next, we’ll learn about ancient martyrs, Perpetua and Felicitas. In the meantime, please treat your spouses with the love Christ taught and modeled, and avoid harmful relationships.

God’s blessings and peace,

Dr. Ron Braley, MDiv, DMin.